I Discovered Time Travel !!!

2005-04-12T03:34:00.000-11:00

2005-03-15T09:13:00.000-11:00

Time Travel

2005-03-14T10:18:00.000-11:00

I feel it is my duty to inform only a select few (Actually, people who manage to come by this blog by accident) about my recent discovery.

I'll start by telling you something about who I am. My name is Stephen, that should do it. Now, about how I discovered Time Travel, or, to be politically correct, Time Displacement Intervention, I think??

Anyway, back to the story. Out by where I live, I like to go into the woods. While I am out there, I tend to chase small woodland creatures. Now, I know what you are thinking, "Does a 29 yr. old, extremly attractive guy, have the stamina to do this?" The answer is NO. I know this because I have yet to catch one. Anyway, one day while I was chasing a chipmunk (A Chipmunk is part of the "Munk" family) I all of a sudden came across the " Tree of Enchantment". Actually, I ran into it, smacking my head on the "Divine Branch of Knowledge". What happened next was so incredibally shocking, I will forever remember.

I started to see colors and shapes of the Time Vorttex. I started traveling among the stars, I know this because they flashed before my eyes. Next thing I know, I find myself on the ground with an amazing headache (That happends when you travel through time) and I noticed the sun was almost about to set. As I looked at my watch, I discovered in complete amazment that it was 5 hours and 26 min. later. I had traveled into the future!!!!

So to let you know, I am now a time travler, visiting from the past, to explore this new world. I am amazed by how advanced everything is!

At the moment, I have been working on a way to get back to my own time. I tried to repeat what I did out in the woods that fateful afternoon, (There seem to be less chipmunks here in the future) but I discovered that it will send me 3 hours more into the future. I will not atempt that again because my goal is to travel back in time, not forward.

I will update people on my progress.

Damned, B-Day

2005-02-24T14:24:00.000-11:00

I am not going to post anything very interesting at all today. It is my last day to be 28 and it SUCK's!!! Not in good mood. Have a beer and remember me. Tommorrow, I will be 29.

Museum of Hoaxes

2005-02-21T09:54:00.000-11:00

Really, I can't stress enough on how much you will like this site. Every day I check it out and you should too. Alex, the guy that runs the site, is a foremost expert on hoaxes, he has allready published books, and another one on the way. VERY, VERY entertaining. The site is at http://www.museumofhoaxes.com If it wasn't for this site, I would have nothing to talk about with people in my social life, really. I'm that big of a looser, but this site isn't. Just go check it out, for the LOVE OF GOD, do this. Why are you still here reading this, he doesn't pay me to do this, I don't give out handouts, and I don't feed the poor. Leave, and never soil my towels again.

Help Us Bury Those That Can't Bury Themselves

2005-02-17T11:24:00.000-11:00

Every day,animals get hit buy cars, meet small children, or get stuck in traps. These animals usually die. Take "Smitty" the field mouse for instance. Chased down by a guy working in the warehouse with nothing better to do then STOMP on Smitty's little head in the parking lot. His crime??? Just trying to get to the other side. The last thought going through the bleeding, crushed little furry head of his is "Why?" and "Who will bury me??". This is when we need your help. Every dime sent in will go to me and I will either place Smitty or another helpless dead animal I come across in a shoe box, or, with enough money, a nice animal casket.I will then place it in the Earth.

Please do your part so I will bury Smitty before he completly decomposes, please?
You will recieve a picture of dead animal and funeral

Email me with Pay Pal. Thank you for your compasion. Small and large donations are accepted.

UPDATE: Smitty the field mouse has completly decomposed thanks to you heartless basterds who wouldn't send me money!!...mmm for the shoe box to bury him in.

What is going on here!!

2005-02-04T08:23:00.000-11:00

It allways amazes me what a small group of pussy complainers can accomplish.

This year ads are going to be somewhat tastefull during superbowl. The reason being???
Easily offended people!!!!!!

So there was a BOOB SHOT last year.....The people complaining about this are the ones that wanted to suck it but can't, people that thought it was Michael, and women with saggy tits.

People are getting Offended by Ads too. The only thing that offended me was I didn't think they were funny enough. Wax jobs, naked housewives................WHO CARES!!!

Well, apparently, these people do:

Goody Goody Christians who gave up bitching about BEER commercials.
Depressed Virgins
Ugly people
People that use to Worship Martha Stewart
Those that NEED attention cause they got the SDS (small dick Syndrom)
and people that are ALL THE ABOVE!!!

Ad's that ran last year:

Crotch biting Dog
The Farting Horse
Monkey who flirts with guy's date
Kilt wearing man
Ad with Desperate Housewife Naked

The ad's that will be running this year:

Muppet Babies
Count Chocula
Jolly Green Giant
M.C. Hammer
Mr. Clean
Pillsbury Dough Boy

Do you see whats wrong with this picture???

If a company is spending $2.4 Million for a 30 second spot, they should be able to put what they want if they thank it will help sales.

Here is the list

2005-01-26T15:39:00.000-11:00

Here is a small list of People I can do without...........

TheTruth.com: These are the people that RUDLEY tell you what to do. Point is they don't want me to smoke. WHO the FUCK are these people. I enjoy smoking. Will do it for years to come. They harrass Ciggarrette companies. These people like to feel important and part of something. I DON'T CARE if their MoM died....Fuck their mom. She knew what she was getting into. Don't ruin it for the rest of us.

Goody Goodie Christians: These people, my GOD.....They think GOD does the good things in their Life, and Satan, well, the BAD things. These people cannot accept responsibility for anything. Weak Closed minded induviduals who do what the Pastor has told them to do since they were a child. I wander if half of them have actually read the bible. Most pic and choose what they want to believe, and for this we get different denominations. This should tell you how organized religion is. Some will say it is because people get led to a certain church by GOD. Yeah, whatever.....and Elvis lives in my pants, the Devil lives in my ASS. There is too much to write about this group. I can tell you that I know that book better then most christians.

New Writers for Smallville: These people fucked up my favorite show. They turned it into One Tree Hill crap. This was a show for guys. Now it leans more towards women. I stopped watching it.

Most Charities: The only reason I mention this is because that legally, they only have to give at least 15% of the money they get in to the actual cause. Most prefer sending the minimum. FUCK THEM!!!!

A List Of People You Should Like

2005-01-18T12:27:00.000-11:00

The Following is a list of Various people and why you should like them:

Jessica: She shows me her "Boobies" and likes coins.

Jon: He refuses to live on the MOON and doesn't eat mice.

Walt Disney: He has a Fetish for small woodland creatures.

The Pope: He doesn't like Coors Lite and has a neat hat.

Jenny: Because of what was wrote on the bathroom stall.

The guy that lives in the Alley: he say's that he is "Keeping it Real"

Nikki: Refuses to own a monkey and has nice teeth.

Trey Parker: He has strict moral values and likes peanuts.

President Bush: Refuses to worship Satan and has a Nice Tea cup collection.

George Carlin: Likes people and doesn't hump his dog.

Cory: Says he isn't gay and he owns a pool.

My Boss: Doesn't know what I do at work and tells me I do a good job.

Please Donate to this beloved Charity. "FREE Hats for FAT People"

2005-01-17T15:24:00.000-11:00

I have noticed something that Im afraid most tend to over look, but we need to look at this straight in the EYE. Here lately, I have seen numerous people of the larger size (FAT) roaming the streets with a tear of sadness. It's not hunger, it's not homelessness, and it's not because they are unable to locate a "McDonalds". The horrific truth is to be put simply, "No Hat to call their own".

To donate a hat is very simple. Your next door neighbor has decided to happily except peoples' old, used or new hats. All you have to do is just place the unwanted or donated hat on your neighbors porch and he will happily track down a Fat person to give it to.

For donating, you will recieve a picture and letter from the Fat person you sponsored so you can track their progress and see how much you have changed a life!!!

"My 2005 Predictions"

2005-01-14T12:31:00.000-11:00

With all the phony predictions going around, I felt it was my "Dutie", nay, "Responsibility" to allow you to see the true predictions, MY Predictions. In this year of 2005, expect the following:

President Bush will eventually have sex between the months of June & August.

Hootie and the Blowfish will come out with a hit record.

Ashley Simpson turns out to be an actual "Special Needs Child" Americans feel bad and decide to buy albums again.

Janet Jackson reveals other breast.No one impressed..

Osama Bin Ladin is captured; Pleads insanity; blames it on small penis and Ozzy records.

There might be an Earthquake somewhere.

Researchers discover 95% of Christians don't know the 10 comandments. (Wow, big suprise)

I will recieve hate mail about above prediction.

NASA discovers that shooting a rocket at a comet wasn't the best way to spend American Tax dollars. Admit to being very bored.

Prisoners accuse Michael Jackson of spending too much time in shower and frequently singing "Beat It".

"Avril" Who????

2005-01-13T12:27:00.000-11:00

Now Days bands are a dime a dozen. With so much CRAP out there, it's hard to tell what is good music. The Following are some Examples:

Avril Lavigne: I never knew much about this one until recently. What a JOKE!!!!! And it's not even a good joke. For some reason or another she has it in her mind that if you shop at Hot Topic that it classifies you as a punk rocker. She always talks about being a hardcore rocker and I have yet to detect that. Also it is funny how she seems to always have to remind people that she is not a "Pop Singer" but is a Punk Rocker. Whatever, she needs to take a hint.

Good Charlotte: Ok, this band. This band reminds me of going to a Chinese restraunt, but instead getting served Mexican food, and it isn't even Good Mexican food. When I first heard the music, I thought, well, not bad. But then I seen a picture of the group. I laughed my head off. "They are claiming to be hardcore Punk???" What is this, They must have hung out with Avril back in the day. I'm not going to even waste any more of my time on this one.

Ashley Simpson: No talent what so ever, and she proves it to us all the time now. Only famous cause of idiot sister. Jessica will not make this list because she actually has talent. But she is still on the bottom of my least liked people list. And that family relationship seems a little odd with Daddy. One day they will probably have a book out on how MUCH daddy loved them.

Im tired now....These people drain my energy.

Addicted to Video games??

2005-01-12T11:34:00.000-11:00

I was on www.museumofhoaxes.com today reading about a site that offers support for Guy's (and girls) addicted to computer and console games....You can't tell these people to get a life because, well, apparently this is one. They chose a game life over reality. Some people lost job's and families. One guy even said he put a pot next to his desk to piss in so he wouldn't have to leave the game to go to the bathroom. WoW!!!

My girlfriend does not like me to play Xbox when she is at home, so the few times she works in the evening is my GAME time. Pick up a 12 pack, put chair infront of T.V. and make it a night. Only problem is when she gets home, im plastered, fingers sore, and I refuse to leave the game. Then when she goes to bedroom and slams the door, I come out of my trance. I turn game off, throw beer cans away, gargle some Listerien, take shower, and then cuddle. All is fine, mmmm...I think. She says as long as it only happens once or twice a week when she is at work, she is fine with it.

News Update!!!!!: Hooters in Arlington, TX. still cannot obtain Beer license!!! Oh the Horror!!!!!

Important Stuff You Need To Know

2005-01-11T11:59:00.000-11:00

Update!!: Email scam: Says it is from "American Greetings" Avoid!!!!!!

Tired of the Tsunami, Pitt and Aniston, Cam and Justin, Mud Slides, and Peoples Choice Awards???
Here is some other important news!!!

Beer Losing Ground In Market
Apparently kids nowadays are preffering wine and spirits to beer. OoooK..what the hell is going on here?? They say that it makes them feel sexy????? come on now. When I was in Highschool we preffered getting drunk compared to feeling sexy. Kids are pansies these days.
I enjoy a glass of wine once in a while myself, but I'm 28 yr. old. They shouldn't even think about wine until they are 24. Ask any Frat Boy or old guy in a bar.

Posh Toilets Said to Cost Geneva $13M
With all the horror in the world, Swiss authorities found a more convinient way of investing money. Looks like a clean ass just isn't for the rich anymore!!

Easy Money!!
Police in Denton, Texas, arrested two teenagers in October and charged them with robbing two visitors who were passing through town from Montana; The victims said they were on their way to Baton Rouge, La., because they needed money and had read on the Internet that a medical school would pay $100,000 for testicles. I'd buy that for a Dollar!!!

I also read a story about some guy that, after being stranded for 12 hours in a lake, (He was duck hunting and somehow lost his boat) He decided he was going to starve to death and decided to eat a raw duck. He was finnaly saved, because he used his underwear to signal a helicopter. (he was camoflouged and couldn't be seen, but had on white briefs)

Also I found a Blog site that I appreciate, it is
http://brittanic.blogspot.com/

"Toma sota balcu"

2005-01-10T15:10:00.000-11:00

www.museumofhoaxes.com

Im going to bite on this one and go ahead and post.

This has been making the rounds......Please READ!!!!

A girl died in 1933 by a homicidal murderer. He buried her in the ground when she was still alive. The murdered chanted, "Toma sota balcu" as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded.

Know that I am now participating in this I have joined the Zombie masses.

3 rd. day of creation

2005-01-10T11:00:00.000-11:00

www.museumofhoaxes.com here is this site to visit for the hell of it.

Any way, Since all this Blog stuff is still new to me, I have started a quest to find blogs that intrest me........What I discovered was that alot of these are very, very stupid.....even this one perhaps, but at least I am not putting graphics on it to make some that has a horribly dull read look better.....I was just dissapointed...I did find an interesting one in my little quest I found ammusing; It was called www.myroommateisaserialkiller.blogspot.com
It is worth taking a look at.

On MSN I came across something funny about Jessica Simpson . Apparently I am not the only one that dis-likes the prissy blond girl. At a resteraunt, her and husband and a friend were attempting to have a nice dinner when the waiter spilt a dessert on Jessica. Waitstaff ond others were seen snickering. An apology didn't seem to be offered. This girl gets no respect and I appreciate those who help out in this effort to make sure that she doesn't recieve much (everyone deserves a little you know)

The second DAY

2005-01-08T08:30:00.000-11:00

Well, last night went by pretty fast.....seen that "Shaun of the Dead" movie with the girlfriend....This is a must for everyone, even the girlfriend liked it. Then I went on to see "WhiteCastle" Another cult movie I am presuming. A few hot girls, get to see some Asian boobs, very nice, and of course mix in a little pot and cheesy story line and you have a cheap instent classic on your hands. Allthough Im not a pot smoker, I can appreciate the humor in it.

For those of you that don't know me, one person I can't stand is "Jessica Simpson". How this girl can walk and talk is amazing, I wouldn't be suprized if I come across her on Worlds most amazing animal videos. Take 2 I.Q. points away and you have a talking monkey. Some will say "Well, she is actually smart" but a child can memorize a book and flip through the pages like it is actually reading. Also, just remember rainman; dumb as hell with a few talents.

Anyway, now I got that out of my system, I need to meet fellow bloggers on here. I am just getting started and would like tips or something.

I site I highly recomend is www.museumofhoaxes.com . This is a site you go to if you are pretty bored and I am a frequent visitor when I am at work.

In the Beggining.

2005-01-07T13:36:00.000-11:00

First day; trying to stay somewhat energetic here at work....easy money but about as fun as wipping mud off my shoe's. Just wanted to get this going a bit......hope to have something a little more interesting on here next week.... It's a good thing the weekend has decided to slowly show up, I seem to spend more time with this damn computer then I do with my girlfriend, allthough, sometimes that seems to work out great!!

I have been reading about the Ashlee Simpson thing, Funny as Hell, who didn't see that one comming. The only way that girl is going to get good press is if she walks around topless for a while while handing out nude autographs of that idiot sister of hers..Hell, I might even become a fan as long as she doesn't raise her voice over speaking level.

Well, I have thirty min. left so I guess that means I should get back to work and actually do something useful here.